From a letter to the editor of the Oregonian, sometime ten or fifteen years ago:
To the Editor:
If America is to get with the programme, we need to make English the official language. Nearly all the other former colonies of Britain have honoured her by designating English as the offcial language of usage.
Soon we may be able to motor our lorries to the panel beater, who can check under the boot for a spare tyre, wash the wind screen and check the oil under the bonnet. Whilst the mechanic is under the bonnet we can use the hooter to frighten him.
If we started using English as the official language, would we make as much noise switching to metric as the Brits are making now, or would we use the traditional English measurements? Officially, you may weigh 11 stones and drive 4 leagues to work. And remember there are 12 pennies to the shilling.
If English were declared the official language, which foreign words would be chic to use and which would be verboten?
If you insisted on going to the bathroom instead of the loo or the water closet you might be sent to prison. For such a hideous crime you probably would not want to be in gaol.
